If you are like me, the word networking triggers an immediate negative reaction. I shudder thinking about awkward small talk, forced smiles, business cards exchanged between strangers who barely remember each other’s names, and conversations that just do not feel genuine. Over the years, though, I have come to realize that I am not alone in feeling this way.
The good news is that networking does not have to look like a crowded happy hour or a room full of name tags—sure, you still should attend networking events but remember, much effective networking happens in other ways as well! If you hate networking, the solution is not to avoid it entirely—but to redefine what it means.
First: Stop Thinking of It as Networking
The biggest mistake people make is believing networking is about asking people for jobs. That approach feels uncomfortable because it is uncomfortable.Real networking is simple: you seek to build professional relationships over time. It’s about curiosity, conversation, and learning—not selling yourself.
Shift your thinking as a way to remove pressure from the conversations you have. Instead of asking yourself: “Who can help me get a job?”, you should be asking: “Who can I learn from?”
Focus on One Conversation, Not Fifty
Traditional networking advice encourages people to attend large events and meet as many people as possible. For many personalities—especially introverts—that’s exhausting and ineffective. Introverts should take advantage of one-on-one conversations instead.
How do you do this? Simple. Reach out to someone whose career path interests you and ask for a short conversation. A simple message like this works surprisingly well:
“Hi, I’m exploring careers in [field] and noticed your background in [company/role]. I’d love to hear about your experience if you ever have 15 minutes for a quick conversation.”
Most professionals enjoy talking about their work and helping someone who is genuinely curious. Stop using LinkedIn as just a resume, and connect through your connections on LinkedIn as well — in the digital age, online connections are surprisingly common.
Prepare Questions So You Don’t Feel Awkward
Many people dislike networking because they worry they won’t know what to say; for non-native English speakers, this can be even more of a concern. The easiest way to avoid awkwardness is to prepare a few thoughtful questions in advance.
Examples include:
- What led you to this career path?
- What skills helped you most early in your career?
- What do people misunderstand about your industry?
- If you were starting today, what would you do differently?
Questions shift the focus away from you and toward the other person, which naturally creates a better conversation (again, people like to talk about themselves!).
Follow Up Like a Human Being
Networking often fails because people disappear after the first conversation. A quick follow-up can make a lasting impression. Send a short message thanking the person for their time and mentioning something specific you learned. Take on the initiative to transform a one-time conversation into an ongoing relationship.
For example:
“Thank you again for sharing your insights about transitioning into consulting. Your advice about gaining project experience was especially helpful.”
Give Before You Ask
The strongest networks are built on generosity. While you may be early in your career, you can still add value.
You might share:
- An interesting article related to the conversation
- A relevant event or webinar
- A connection with someone else in your network
When relationships are built on mutual support rather than immediate requests, opportunities tend to emerge naturally, especially when you develop relationships with more seasoned professionals who can serve as mentors.
Remember: Networking Is a Long-Term Process
Another reason networking feels uncomfortable is that people expect immediate results. We advise you start networking EARLY in college because it’s a long term, ongoing process. A conversation today might lead to advice, a referral, or an opportunity months—or even years—later. The goal is not to “get something” right away. The goal is to build relationships with people who share your interests and professional goals.
TLDR: Good networking is simply this:
- Being curious
- Listening carefully
- Staying in touch
- Helping others when you can
When you approach it this way, networking stops feeling like self-promotion and starts feeling like what it really is: building a community around your career. And in the long run, those relationships—not resumes—are what open the most doors.